That’s weird to write. Even at 19 weeks. I can clearly see my growing midsection, consistent vomiting, and mood craziness to validate that I am, in fact, growing a human, but it’s still hard to wrap my head around.
Every time I go to the doctor, it still feels like a surprise when I hear a heartbeat. Maybe that’ll change with the anatomy scan? Right now, it all still feels like a not-real thing.
Because of C’s deployment, I’ve done an attempt at being sure to capture my growing size via pictures. I thought about doing weekly “Bumpdates” but I don’t want to.
I do, though, want to share with him this experience of my body transforming, in support of our growing family. That being said, this same transformation has some weird mental effects that I don’t really know how to articulate.
For someone who has cared so much about her waistline, it’s weird to be okay with, even celebrate, my burgeoning size. It’s not that I’m not grateful for this experience. I am. Oh my goodness, am I! We are so excited for Baby S, whatever they may be, but this has been a mental struggle I didn’t anticipate having to wrangle.
I finally got some maternity clothes. Just a couple of dresses and a pair of jeans. I love love this black dress. I got it from a StitchFix box and will definitely order another maternity box soon.
Emilie is an Army Wife, Data Engineer, and CrossFitter with a love for working through her thoughts in this space on the internet. She is a contributor to many open source projects including dbt, Meltano, and GitLab. She lives with her husband Casey, their son RJ, and their pup Bo in Columbus, GA.